pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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