we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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