my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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