oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
