i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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