I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
