It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will pee on everything he values.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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