hell yes lets make some ravioli
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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