you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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