I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
