yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
