I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
