Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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