I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
