Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
