I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
cat food counts as protein by the way
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
