I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
