You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
