So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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