no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
