I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
