What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
