Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
