we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
