i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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