So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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