it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
