I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
