The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
