i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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