i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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