So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
