he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
