Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
