apparently the secret to your success is patron
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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