Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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