Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
