If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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