You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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