He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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