I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The best revenge is premature balding
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
