THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
