I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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