my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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