____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
