I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
