You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
