Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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