I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
