His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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