I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
