I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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