I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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