just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize