I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
