My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
