reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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