I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
as a side note pls kill me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
