I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
