She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
there is glitter all over my balls
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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