walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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