Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
