My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
