I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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