you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
