you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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