You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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