you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
