In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
