somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
