I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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