did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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