he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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