I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
