I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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