If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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