i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
