why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
